


The Burglar Who Got Away...Nonmiserably

by hope91



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Buddy Cop AU, Burglary, F/M, Gigolas Week 2, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 00:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2672900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hope91/pseuds/hope91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>"I am like a burglar that can’t get away, but must go on miserably burgling the same house day after day." </em>--Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit</p><p>The unlikely new partners in the Robbery Division of Khazâd-Edhel-on-Hobbiton‘s police force are given a tough case to crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is set in the Middle-Earth-based town Khazâd-Edhel-on-Hobbiton that I created for my in-progress story of the same name, but it isn’t in the same universe as that story.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This story isn't a serious one and *doesn't* accurately reflect burglary or theft, or what it's like to be a victim of it (at least from my own personal experience, and that of friends, it's ranged from frustrating to scary to I-don't-have-words for it). And I'm sure it's not accurate from the thief's side either.

“Congratulations Officer Greenleaf!” Dwalin slapped Legolas across the back. “You’re not just a pretty face after all. You’re getting a promotion! Special Operations – Robbery Division!”

It was a bit of a challenge, but Legolas held back from making a jibe of his own with the Chief of Police. Dwalin hadn’t reacted well when he’d unwittingly insulted the family of the Chief’s friend after spotting a picture on Dwalin’s office wall. And the friend? Glóin Glóin-son. It made him sigh, because if he translated his own first name, he was in the same boat - GreenLeaf Greenleaf. What would possess parents to do such things?

Legolas was ready for a change. Tauriel transferred precincts last month, and while he was happy for his best friend and her own well-deserved promotion to Captain, he missed his partner, even though he’d thought he’d be relieved. She bent the rules more than he liked, was too open-minded and flexible, and he’d spent too many sleepless nights worrying about what sort of mess they might get into the next day. But since Tauriel left, Legolas had been paired up with almost every patrol officer in the Mirkwood District, and he missed having her regular presence at his side, including the parts of her easy-going personality that helped him to loosen up a bit. Between her promotion and the Tae Kwon Do studio she ran on the side, she was too busy to get together, and Legolas felt lonely. But now things seemed to be looking up.

Legolas’ recent off-duty rescue of Thorin Oakenshield and his nephews Kili and Fili on the Forest River hadn’t gone unnoticed. He’d been in one of the fields at his father’s winery, the Greenwood Collection, when he’d spotted the trio floating in kayaks down the extremely fast river – without oars. Legolas still wasn’t sure what exactly had happened, but he did find out that it’d been their first time kayaking, and the water was much too fast for their beginner skills.

After the rescue the CEO of LM2 had said he’d put in a good word for him with the Chief, who apparently was one of his best friends.

Dwalin’s news was exciting, and Legolas breathed a sigh of relief – gone would be the days of breaking up public disturbances. Like the repeated calls about excessive noise and illegal fireworks at the Baggins residence on Bag End Drive. The last time he’d been dispatched there, he’d actually felt badly for the homeowner, whom he’d grown to know quite well due to the repeated complaints. This time it was public indecency, and somehow it was the same people he’d written warnings to when they’d been running naked in the fountains at the Rivendell Grand Hotel.

He’d miss seeing Mr. Baggins once a week. But not everything else. Now to just find out who his new partner would be.

***

Balin’s assignment to the Khazad-Dûm Precinct was a well-deserved achievement, and while Gimli was proud of his previous partner, he wondered what would come next. His unit captain, Boromir, had said his next partner would be a newbie, a beat cop, and Gimli couldn’t get a word of argument in edgewise.

But he had no more time to think about it, because he saw Boromir walking over with a tall, handsome blond. “Officer Glóin-Son! Meet your new partner. Legolas Greenleaf.”

Gimli groaned. It was the pretty boy son of the billionaire who owned a winery in Vineyard Valley, as well as Celebrimbor & Co., Narvi’s Doors and More, and Mahal only knew what else.  He looked too stern, too emotionless. Even Thorin had said the same thing – after Greenleaf rescued them on the Forest River, Thorin couldn’t stop talking about how the blond seemed like a robot, able to accomplish amazing feats without cracking a smile _or_ a frown. Fili and Kili, on the other hand, couldn’t stop talking about how gorgeous Officer Greenleaf was.

And, Gimli had to admit, they were right. And then some. But he shoved those thoughts out of his mind - he didn't want to be thinking of his new partner like that.

Boromir threw a folder down on his desk. “Here’s your first cold case as partners. Farmer Maggot reported a string of stolen goods, but we have no good leads. Cabbage, carrots…”

Gimli leaned back in his chair and flipped through the file. There’d been less than $5 of produce stolen each time, but it seemed to happen often. "Hmph.” he muttered. “A petty theft spree at a farm? Who steals vegetables? Is it someone who can't afford to buy food to eat?” He wondered sympathetically.

Legolas wondered the same, but Boromir shook his head. "Farmer Maggot offers free food to those in need. Which makes the crime even worse, in my opinion." 

“Well, Greenleaf?” Gimli said a bit too gruffly. “Ready to crack a vegetable theft case? Go see if the corn has had its ears to the ground and can give us some clues? See if we can get the thief to turn-up?” He chuckled and Boromir shook his head while he grinned and rolled his eyes, but Legolas said nothing aside from a brief nod, his face cold as the rink at the Helcaraxë Ice Arena.

“Well, I want you to wait until you get started on that one - nothing has been stolen too recently, but I want to to see if you can dig up some leads when you aren't working on current cases. Right now, there’s an active call you can report to.” Boromir said. “Theft at Trollshaw Park. We have a patrol on the scene, but I’d like you to investigate.”

“What was taken?” Legolas asked, a bit too primly in Gimli’s opinion.

“A sword. Expensive one. And their picnic basket.”

“Stuffed with expensive relics?” Gimli asked thoughtfully.

Boromir shook his head. “No, their lunch.”

The shorter man grabbed his coffee and his cigarettes, and sighed when he saw Legolas glance at him in what seemed to be disapproval about his smoking habit. 

****

“He stole it right under our nose, he did!” said one of the victims of the robbery, a tall, beefy man named Bert.

“Not very polite to take our food, either! Or our beer!” said another, his name Tom.

“He was tricky! Said he was Mr. Burrahobbit from the Health Department, and we had to do a food safety test. But while he was pulling a pamphlet out of his pocket, yabbering on about cooking and parasites and whatever else, he somehow took our sword and our food without us realizing what was going on!” Bert said.

At Gimli's’ unspoken beckoning for more information, the third person in the trio, William, jumped in. “The sun was in our eyes, too! It was hard to see. He probably blinded us!”

The three men nodded emphatically at one another as Gimli interviewed them, while Legolas searched the scene in Trollshaw Park. As Boromir had told them, it wasn’t everyday a priceless heirloom sword was stolen during a picnic. Or the picnic taken along with it. Everything but the sandwiches, that is. Those had been strangely left behind, stacked neatly in a pile.

After Gimli had finished taking their statements, he joined his partner, face alight with amusement.

“What?” Legolas asked, wondering if his partner was ever serious.

“The stolen sword?” Gimli said, his eyes glinting as he shook his head. “Those three - William, Bert and Tom – I’m thinking they stole it themselves in the first place. We might be dealing with the theft of already-stolen property.”

Legolas sat back on his heels, face impassive as ever. “Gimli, do you think the original owner stole it back?”

Gimli shook his head and then shivered. “No – though I still can’t imagine why he or she took the food, not if the rest of the picnic was like the sandwiches left behind.” They smelled as though they were spoiled, and the three men were aghast about it.

“Well, if the supposed food inspector gets food poisoning, that would be just rewards. What exactly did the burglar take? From the picnic.” Legolas asked as Gimli sipped his Starbucks, wondering if the vegetable theft from Farmer Maggot’s was related to this one - food crimes were unusual in this town.

“Miniature cookies shaped like dwarves. Said they put a lot of time into decorating them." That earned a raised eyebrow from Legolas, and Gimli wondered if his expressions ever grew broader than that. "The suspect told them they were probably contaminated, and that he’d have to confiscate them.”

“And the sword?”

“Suspect said he thought he had something in his pocket to test it with, but he’d actually left it in his car, and then he never came back.”

****

“I took it just like you said, and I don’t think I left any tracks. But I wasn't able to get into the house. Too many alarms; I'll need your help with that.” The man ran a hand through his curly hair as he sat by the fireplace in one of the private tasting rooms of the Ettenmoors Cellars Winery in Vineyard Valley. He spoke softly without looking at the person who’d recruited him, who sat in the corner a few chairs over. “Share that?” he asked his companion, gazing at the only thing he could see of him in the dim light – the embers coming from his pipe.

“Of course, on both counts.” The man said from the shadows, rummaging through a bag for an extra, which he promptly handed to his burglar.

“Ready for the next part?” The scheme's mastermind eventually asked his burglar.

“There’s more besides burgling the house? I thought we just needed to get this sword, and then the other one? Narsil, from Sting's?”

“Oh no. There’s more. This is a very important quest, after all.” The reply was serious, almost grave.

“Well, I guess as long as I don’t have to play a health inspector again, I’m up for it. Adventure is my middle name, I suppose.” He said it with a smile - this strange quest was turning out to be far more fun than he'd thought it would be.

“Indeed. Bilbo Baggins, the Adventurer.” the man chuckled from the shadows. “Good,” he said, a smile on his face that couldn’t be seen in the low light. “Very good.”

****

Back in the Robbery Division offices at Police Headquarters on Gondor Drive, Legolas and Gimli packed up for the day, Greenleaf silent while Glóin-Son attempted to lighten his mood. Finally he decided some bonding time might be in order. “Care to go to the Prancing Pony with me? I’ll buy.”

Legolas looked at him with a quizzical tilt of the head, as though he had just been asked something utterly foreign. “No thank you,” he said politely. “I’d like to take these case files home and study them.” He grabbed Farmer Maggot’s file and the files they'd started on the Trollshaw Park case. “If that’s all right with you, of course.”

“Be my guest,” Gimli bowed.

“Did I hear an offer to go to the Prancing Pony?” Boromir stood nearby, walking over eagerly.

“Absolutely, Captain.”

They watched Legolas go to the file room, Boromir wondering at the contemplative look on Gimli’s face. “Well, what do you think?”

“Hmph,” Gimli said. “Not super friendly. But he’s better than I thought.” It was something he wouldn’t admit to anyone but Boromir, not right now.

“Good. Let’s go, and you can brief me on that sword heist. But I can't stay too long; Arwen and I are meeting her father for dinner.”

Boromir slung his arm around Gimli in a friendly manner, and Legolas, now standing at the copy machine on the other side of the room, stared at them as they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LM2 = Lonely Mountain Mining


	2. Tuesday

“So, sounds like some redheaded man tried to steal hairs from the owner of the Lorien Cabins.” Gimli did his best to hold a straight face as he briefed Legolas, unsure if he’d start to laugh at the seeming silliness of it, or cry about its creepiness.

“Hairs?” Legolas frowned, a puzzled look on his generally unreadable face. “Expensive hairs?” That would surely be the only reason they’d been given the case. Or maybe the perp hadn’t had time to make off with what he really wanted. “Was anything else taken?”

Gimli shook his head. “The owner,” he stopped as he searched for her name in his notes, “Galadriel, she’s just reporting that he attempted to take hairs. Describes the suspect as a redhead who’d been staying in one of the cabins, but I pulled his info this morning and he was using an alias.”

They left the station and drove to Lothlórien. Legolas marveled at the Lorien Cabins, built to look like they sat in the trees. “I quite like it here, Gimli. I haven’t been here before. I would have come sooner if I’d realized how nice it was.”

It was the first time Gimli had seen any sort of strong expression on the blond’s face, and he liked it.

But what he saw next he liked even more – a golden-haired goddess. “Ah,” he said, “I see now why someone would try to steal a hair from your head – t’would be a priceless thing.”

“Gimli!” Legolas muttered under his breath.

“What?” the shorter man mouthed back.

Legolas rolled his eyes as Gimli talked with the woman – Galadriel.

There was little evidence to gather, no prints, no signs of forced entry since the thief had tried to take hairs from the hairbrush Galadriel had left on her front porch. And the suspect hadn’t been out to hurt anyone, from Galadriel’s report.

No, he just wanted hairs from her hairbrush, it seemed, and he ran away when he saw her approaching.

And then Gimli spotted something along the ground within the trees – a piece of strangely glowing dust, and then another.

“How did you even see that?” Legolas asked, astounded. He thought his own eyesight was good – but apparently no comparison to his partner’s ability to see in dim places.

Gimli spoke his partner’s thoughts out loud. “Talent for seeing in the dark, I suppose. Helped me when I was a kid, sneaking back into the house without accidentally making too much noise.” He stood up, stretching as he did so. “It’s pretty dark in this forest. Gives me the creeps.”

“I, for one, think it’s beautiful. Look at all of these trees. And the rare plants! I haven’t seen elanor flowers since I was in second grade. And over there….”

It felt like it was more than Gimli had heard Greenleaf say since they’d met, and even though he normally would have found botany a bit boring, somehow his partner’s voice was almost as entrancing as Galadriel’s.

Or maybe more so.

They followed the sparse trail for a few minutes, and then Gimli stopped suddenly. “Over there,” the shorter man said, pointing in the general direction of a blond man who was pulling canoes out of the Anduin River. “I think the trail clearly shows that he went to the Livery next.”

“I didn’t see anyone,” Haldir of the Silverlode Canoe Livery answered when he was questioned, a bit annoyed at the interruption. “But absolutely have a look around.”

They eventually decided the trail led directly into the Anduin, and that was probably how the suspect had left. “Let’s go Gimli.” Legolas prepared to push a canoe into the Anduin river, so that they could investigate further. They were a bit more persistent than they would have been otherwise – yet Gimli refused to turn the case over to another pair of investigators, enamored as he was with Galadriel.

“Gimli?” Legolas asked, uncertain why his partner hadn’t joined him in the canoe. He looked more closely, and then his eyes widened in amazement. “Are you afraid?”

“Hmph!” Gimli said, eyes cast downward. “Not at all.” He didn’t see Legolas’ kind glance, being too preoccupied with trying to gather his courage.

He nearly jumped at the hand on his shoulder. “Come on. It’s easy. And I promise we won’t fall into the water.”

Gimli didn’t quite know what to think about that. But he did pretty sure that he liked it.

****

“Well, time to call it a day.” Gimli crammed his notes into his bag while Legolas pulled out his briefcase and organized his own records in color-coded alphabetical files.

“Greenleaf, can I be honest with you?”

“Absolutely. We’re partners, after all.” Legolas looked up from his briefcase, calmly looking at the other officer.

Gimli smiled warmly. “You take yourself too seriously.”

His face impassive, Legolas returned to sorting his files. “Impossible. One can never be serious enough.”

“Well, it’ll be my mission to loosen you up, then.” He was distracted by the buzzing of his phone. “It’s the Captain. He’d like to get together. Join us?”

Legolas shook his head vigorously. “I’m going to study these notes again.”

Gimli was tempted to ask if _he_ could join Legolas, and they could study together – though certainly not notes - but he didn’t.

Too stuffy, he reminded himself. Not your type.

Especially if it’s your partner.

Now, the blonde – maybe _she’d_ join him when he met Boromir.

“Don’t even think about it, Gimli,” Legolas hissed as he walked to their car, having followed his partner’s gaze to Galadriel. “Completely inappropriate!”

Gimli sighed. He was right.


	3. Wednesday

“A ring, stolen at the Goblin King’s House of Costumes.” Legolas repeated what Gimli had told him.

“Yep and yep.” Gimli said as he and Legolas walked from Starbucks to Gimli’s car, Legolas frowning in distaste at the clutter inside. “And get this. The burglar told the victim he had a ring-cleaning kit for him in his pocket. The victim didn't think it was a sexual remark - he seriously thought his ring would be cleaned.”

“Are you serious?”

“Seriously, it wasn’t a sexual remark.”

A groan was his response. And then a firm, “Gimli, that's not what I meant. The _pocket_.”

“Hmph! I am serious,” He said as he merged into traffic. “No one’s more serious than I am. Ask anybody. My parents, Dwalin, Balin, Boromir, Thorin, Frodo, Bilbo…”

“Bilbo, Frodo? Do you mean Baggins?”

“Absolutely. Bilbo’s married to my Uncle Thorin. Wait – do you know Bilbo and Frodo too?”

“Yes. Well, I know Bilbo Baggins.” Legolas chuckled, Gimli wondering what was so humorous. “Saw him once a week when I was still a patrol officer, breaking up noise disturbances at his house. Bag End Drive’s part of the Mirkwood District that I worked in before. Though I don't recall ever seeing Thorin there before.”

“Wow, small world. I'm not surprised, Uncle Thorin's not a big party person, not like Uncle Bilbo. Well, then you know Bilbo’s a complex kind of guy. Serious a lot of the time, but sometimes not. _My Baggins side is my serious side, I only keep my Took side in my pocket for emergencies_.” He said in a fine imitation of Thorin’s husband.

“Wait, what did you say?”

“I said, Wow, small world….”

“No, no, at the end.”

“ _My Baggins side is my serious side, I only keep my Took side in my pocket for emergencies....And then my Baggins side usually needs an aspirin out of the other pocket._ ”  Gimli added the latter slowly, with a gasp. “You don’t think Bilbo Baggins is related to this?”

Neither of them said anything more – but both of them wondered. Pockets seemed to be this thief’s calling card – and perhaps Bilbo was his name.

****

Boromir had arrived first at the crime scene in the lower level of the Goblin King’s House of Costumes. When Legolas and Gimli exited the lower level elevator, their Captain was attempting to calm a nearly-bald man with one of the sparsest comb-overs Gimli had ever seen. Boromir beckoned them over as soon as he spotted them. “This is.....”

“He stole my ring!” the man interrupted, wailing. “It’s precioussss to me! You must gets it back for me!”

Gimli looked at Legolas. This gentleman seemed even more distraught than the three men they’d met on Monday at Trollshaw Park.

“Greenleaf, Glóin-son, this is Sméagol. He was getting a key for a dressing room when his ring was stolen – off his finger.”

Boromir turned back to his questioning of the bald man. He was sympathetic, yet firm. “How did he steal your ring? One does not simply walk into the entrance to the dressing rooms and steal a ring off someone’s finger.”

“It was dark!” the man said plaintively. “He tricked me! He said he was from Celebrimbor’s and Co., and he had something in his pocket that could clean it for me, that it looked tarnished and he’d do it for free. Make it spotless and beautiful. And now it’s gone!” The wail echoed through the lower level.

“A tarnished gold ring? Being untarnished in a costume store?" Boromir asked.

“Yesssss! Please, I musts have it back!”

“Hmph. Maybe he has a wizard helping him out.” Gimli whispered to Legolas. “Setting up some kind of spell that makes people more trusting of his words.”

“Gimli!” Legolas whispered back, glaring at his partner. “I thought you said you were serious! So be serious!” 

****

“I have the ring, it’s here in my pocket.” Bilbo patted his red jacket as he stood at their rendezvous point, the Mithlond Pier at the Grey Havens Marina.

“Good. Very good.” The scheme's mastermind smiled beneath his wide hood, though Bilbo couldn’t see his expression. “Give me the ring, then.” He pulled out a manila envelope for Mr. Baggins to place it in.

Bilbo straightened his shoulders, furrowing his brow. “Hmm, what’s that?”

“The ring, Bilbo. Put it in the envelope.”

“By the way,” Bilbo said, trying to change the subject, “I went by the house again, and tried to get inside with the equipment you gave me, but it didn’t work.”

They talked about that for awhile, coming to another solution, and Bilbo turned to leave – he had a nice evening planned with his husband, after all, and he didn’t want to be late.

“The ring, Bilbo.” The man said from beneath the wide hood of his coat.

Bilbo reluctantly placed it in the envelope after staring at it wistfully. He couldn’t help feeling like he’d do almost anything to get it back.

But he shrugged the feeling off and headed home to Thorin – who happily distracted him with other things. Romantic things, which were his absolute favorite.

****

“Tomorrow, let’s go interview Bilbo. The more I think about it, the more I think he’s involved.” The strange motif revolving around pockets was just too difficult to ignore, Gimli thought. And somehow the decoy statements seemed like things Bilbo would say.

“Do you want to bring him into the station?” Legolas wasn’t sure about that – they had no solid evidence that implicated Baggins, not yet, even though he agreed that it seemed like a potential lead.

“No, we don’t have cause, not yet. But maybe we can get him to answer some questions. I hope I’m wrong.” Gimli looked more serious than Legolas had seen him thus far.

“I hope so too.” Legolas agreed. He liked Bilbo, and certainly didn’t want to see him involved in this.

Boromir strode over then, weaving his way through the aisles upon aisles of costumes. “Ready to call it a day?” He sighed. “Even though I suspect he may have stolen it himself in the first place...That ring is a near-priceless one, I’d like to find it for him.” And then he whispered, “If only to have some peace and quiet, his wail has given me a horrible headache!”

“I have just the cure for that, Captain.” Gimli said.

“Oh?” Boromir asked, rubbing his temple.

“Sure. Dinner at BALROG BBQ. Join us Legolas?” Gimli turned to his partner, hoping for a _yes._

But it was a polite _no._ “I’m going to study case files again tonight.” He was as stern as ever, although both Gimli and Boromir were starting to get used to it.

“You work too hard, Greenleaf. Need to get your nose out of the files and relax a bit. That’s an order.” Boromir crossed his arms and looked at his officer with an expression nearly as stern as Legolas' own.

And then Legolas' expression turned aghast. His Captain, _ordering him_ to spend time with him off-duty?!

Boromir shook his head, realizing his officer had misinterpreted his words. “Not with us, Greenleaf. Rest a bit. Working all the time doesn’t do good for anyone. Read a book. Or whatever you like to do.”

Legolas thought the Captain might have a point – though he wouldn’t say it out loud. And so he went to his favorite haunt, Bard’s Archery, to practice his shooting. And while he did, he wondered why Boromir and Gimli seemed to spend all of their off-duty time together.

The arms slung around shoulders after work, the clear affection each one had for the other….Captain and Officer in a romantic relationship would violate department standards and practices. But if he didn't know better, he'd say they were dating.


	4. Thursday

“What?” Legolas asked again. “I couldn’t hear what you said, my phone cut out.”

“An expensive gemstone.” Even pretentiously named, Gimli thought. “The Arkenstone, stolen around dawn from the basement of the CEO of Smaug Airlines.”

“Benedict Cumberbatch? He lives close to my father’s neighborhood.” Legolas thought it was strange – rumors were that the Smaug CEO’s house was basically an impenetrable fortress. Entering it could not have been easy.

In fact, when they arrived, neither of them could determine _how_ the burglary had been successful.

But it _had_ succeeded – and not just the Arkenstone had been stolen.

“Hmph. A coat of armor?” Gimli shook his head. “Why would someone steal a coat of armor?”

Legolas frowned, stern face thoughtful as ever. “There’s obviously a pattern here, Gimli, in what we’ve investigated this week. Sword, armor…”

“Picnic basket, ring, gemstone, cabbages?” He snickered, but the disapproving glance from his partner quickly made him stop. “Legolas, we don’t know for certain that these are all related yet. We just suspect it.”

Legolas nodded in agreement, appreciating his partner’s attempt to be so rational. “Come, Gimli. Mr. Cumberbatch has surveillance video that we need to see.”

“Ah, good! We’ll find something there for certain!” Gimli rubbed his hands together, excited to crack a case.

Yet when they saw the video, it seemed he had gotten ahead of himself. The CEO played the tape for the officers, tape he had already viewed, and he pointed out the most salient portions. “My cameras were malfunctioning. I have no idea why, but all you can see in the video is a torso. Look.”

The surveillance tapes seemed to reveal nothing. All they saw of the suspect was a black coat that was nondescript and unremarkable – those would be a dime a dozen.

They grew excited when the thief reached into his pocket – but the tape cut out after that.

Legolas watched the tape twice more while Gimli searched the residence. Greenleaf looked up when Gloin-son finally returned, neither of them having anymore insight into the crime – except for one thing. They suspected the Smaug CEO may have come into the Arkenstone in ways that weren't on the up and up - though, like in the other cases this week, it was just a suspicion. So far they couldn't find any reports of an expensive sword or ring being stolen - and they imagined the same might turn out to be true of this gemstone. 

And then there seemed to be another similarity between some of the cases they had investigated this week.

“I wonder what the suspect was reaching for.” Legolas said as he scribbled various thoughts on his notepad.

“Hmph. Maybe this.” Gimli said, handing him an evidence bag containing a few aspirin that he had retrieved from the floor. "I found it beside the case the Arkenstone was kept in.”

They looked at each other and knew what was next. It was time to pay a visit to Bilbo Baggins, keeper of aspirin in his pockets at all times.

****

Thorin wasn’t pleased with the interruption, even if it was his nephew investigating a case. And especially not if his beloved husband seemed to be a suspect.

“You can’t be serious.” It was all the CEO of Lonely Mountain Mining had to say as he sat back in his home office chair, arms crossed as he glared at the two officers sitting across the room. “And I’m sure you’re violating all sorts of police protocols by talking to me about it like this.”

“Mr. Oakenshield,” Legolas said respectfully, “I know Mr. Baggins. I like him. It’s in his best interest to come into the station for questioning. Now where is he?”

Thorin grew more impatient by the second, staring out his window in an attempt to calm himself. “I have no idea, but I’m sure he’ll be back. It’s not as if he can just disappear into thin air!” He turned to look Legolas directly in the eye. “I appreciate you helping me in the river, but when I pulled strings to get you promoted, I certainly didn’t imagine that you’d be trying to make a name for yourself by harassing my husband!”

Legolas went perfectly still. When neither Gimli or Thorin said anything else, he stood and exited the room.

Gimli was dumbfounded. This wasn’t his uncle – Thorin was generally wasn't so hot-headed. “Uncle Thorin! What’s gotten into you? That was completely unnecessary!”

“Don’t tell me that you’ve fallen into his web, Gimli! He’s an inexperienced patrol cop who didn’t earn his promotion – and look what’s happening as a result!”

The look Gimli gave Thorin was perhaps even colder than the one Legolas had directed towards the older man when he had left the room. “What’s happening, Uncle Thorin, is that _you’ve_ fallen under a spell. You’ve got a criminal directly under your nose – and you’re too blind to see it.”

“Innocent until proven guilty, Gimli? Ever heard of it?” He spat out sarcastically.

At that, Gimli left as well.

****

"Well, I have it."  Bilbo stood proudly before the chickens at Beorn's Petting Zoo, tossing them feed in a most generous manner.  He was satisfied with how well his burglary had gone, and the animals benefited from his current state of generosity.  "I didn't leave a trace of evidence behind."

"Excellent." His companion said from behind his large hood.  "We just have a couple of tasks left, then."

"You know," Bilbo said slowly, "I still don't know your name."

"Yes, yes my dear sir....You do know my name, though you don't remember that I belong to it. I am Gandalf, and Gandalf means me.”

****

Legolas didn’t answer his phone, and Gimli would have gone to his house to check on him – but he simply didn’t feel close enough to him yet to do that. So he left him three messages, apologizing for not defending him immediately, and letting him know where he could be found.

Then he went to the Prancing Pony, immediately spotting Boromir with his girlfriend Arwen. He plopped down beside his Captain on the wide bench they sat on, needing to talk things through with both of them, upset as he was.

He was so absorbed in his recounting the events of the day, Boromir’s arm draped companionably around him in a show of support, the other around his beloved Arwen, that he didn’t notice Legolas come into the Restaurant and Bar. And when Officer Greenleaf spotted the trio, he turned around and left, feeling suddenly nervous and not wanting to intrude.

Was Boromir dating Gimli or not? It'd be inappropriate to ask, Legolas knew...but somehow, he wished he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gandalf's "yes, yes sir.." taken from the Hobbit, copyright JRR Tolkien.


	5. Friday

Gimli groaned in relief when they reached Farmer Maggot’s vegetable fields, more than ready for his stomach to settle down after all of the twists and turns on the road to their destination. He’d tried some of the dwarf-shaped cookies that the three men from Trollshaw Park had sent them as a thank-you for their ongoing investigation, and he began to wonder if the health department _should_ be called in to check their cooking.

“I told you so,” Legolas grinned slightly.

“Hmph. If I had a nickel for every time I could say that about you, I’d…”

“Well?” Legolas asked after it became obvious Gimli wasn’t going to say anything else. “If you had a nickel?” Gimli shrugged. “Ah, you realize you haven’t told me so yet, right?” He said triumphantly.

“Hmph, it’ll happen soon, just you wait and see.”

They were interrupted then by Farmer Maggot, who was beside himself, angrier than the rumors of him suggested he would be.

“Cabbages and carrots, they stole. Armfuls! And mushrooms this time! Ran away before my dogs could catch them, they did.” Farmer Maggot shook his fist in the air in frustration.

The partners documented the crime scene as best they could, but clues were difficult to find.

Just like they had been difficult to find earlier that morning at Sting’s, where a priceless sword called Narsil had been stolen. Yet again the thief had used a reference to pockets, but Boromir had decided they had no strong reason to bring Bilbo Baggins in for questioning – their own random thoughts weren’t enough. Even the aspirin they'd retrieved at the Smaug CEO's house had turned out to be a dead end, at least according to the forensics lab so far.

But truth be told, they continued to think Mr. Baggins was involved, even if they had nothing to back that up. Each wondered if he had some sort of greater plan for his actions. He wasn’t the type to get a thrill out of stealing, and he had no need for money.

No, there was something else going on. But what, they had no idea. 

And they both knew they wouldn't give up on any of it until these cases were solved, and justice handed out - including against anyone who had actually stolen something that had in turn been stolen from them.

“Let’s go celebrate.” Gimli said at the end of the day, when yet again they’d found next to nothing in terms of clues.

“Celebrate what? We haven’t solved a single case yet and it doesn’t look like we’re going to anytime soon.” Legolas tilted his head in the gesture that Gimli was starting to grow fond of.

“Hmph, of course.” He smiled widely. “But we made it through our first week together, and what a crazy week it was.”

“True enough.” Legolas smiled in return, and Gimli liked that even more. “I need to study case files. But maybe I'll stop by later.”

“Study, study, study. Well, make sure you take a break. Here, I’ll give you some cigarettes. They’ll relax you.”

“Gimli! Seriously?”

Gimli slung an arm around Legolas’ shoulder. “Serious as ever.”

****

Pippin knocked on the door in the basement of Lonely Mountain Mining. Rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat.

“No Pip! Like a thrush, not a woodpecker! Like this!” Merry took over, while Sam stood off to the side, nervously shifting his feet.

“I don’t know about this, Frodo.” Sam said to the darker-haired man who stood beside him, holding a grocery bag filled with Farmer Maggot’s stolen vegetables.

“It’ll be fine, Sam. My uncle Bilbo said this was critically important. He wouldn’t lead us astray.”

A gruff voice spoke from the other side. “Speak friend, and you may enter.”

“It’s us, Gandalf. Frodo, Sam, Pip, and me, Merry.”

There was no response, and much shoulder-shrugging and confused looks.

“Harumph! Speak friend, and you may enter.”

After many moments of waiting, the door opened quickly, Gandalf entirely annoyed. “Next time, you must speak the password! Otherwise you shall not pass!”

“What’s the password, then?” Pippin asked curiously.

Gandalf simply rolled his eyes and waved his hand for them to follow him. He sat at a long table, one that Bilbo had thoughtfully filled with snacks.

They saw the array of items at one end – a ring, swords, a gemstone, a coat of armor…

“I’m not quite sure how those fit together, Gandalf, but I’m definitely not sure how _these_ fit in.” Frodo handed Gandalf the bag of vegetables, wondering what he planned to do with them.

“Is it part of a spell?” Merry asked.

“No, no,” Gandalf replied. “The vegetables are just for me to eat. You've introduced me to the best vegetables ever. As much as I love your Uncle Bilbo’s cooking, I’m watching my figure. Now, let’s talk about what's next - we have some world-saving to do.” He didn't think to ask whether the carrots and cabbages - and mushrooms! - were stolen, assuming they'd been purchased from the vegetable stands Farmer Maggot ran.

Another round of tapping at the door, and soon they were joined by Thorin - and a bunch of people they didn't recognize.

Merry and Pippin looked at one another, knowing what their first priority was. And so they dove into the food, trying to fill their plates as high as they could, knowing the newcomers eyed it almost as hungrily as they did.

****

“Greenleaf!” Without thinking, Gimli hugged his partner when he sat beside him at the Prancing Pony, and then drew back awkwardly, thinking he’d crossed a line with his stern partner. “I’m glad you changed your mind! Drink to celebrate?” He handed Gimli a Signature Cocktail, then started sipping his own.

“Celebrate what again, Gimli?” Legolas asked in slight amusement as he sat down.

Gimi shrugged. “First week together, weirder robberies and burglaries than I’ve ever seen?”

“Unsolved?”

“Absolutely. Unsolved.” He lifted his glass to toast his partner, and then looked closely at Legolas’ slow sips.

“You drink that like an old lady, Legolas!”

“I do not!” Legolas shifted in his seat uncomfortably, while Gimli snorted and downed his.

Legolas put an expression of mock disgust on his face. “Well, at least I have the manners to drink mine at an appropriate speed!”

They talked over multiple drinks, each slightly frustrated that they thought Bilbo was the culprit in some of the crimes yet unable to link any evidence to him or even generate a motive.

“Sly fox,” Gimli muttered. “Wonder if Thorin realizes what he’s got himself into there.”

“From the look of it, Gimli, I think he’s happy with what he’s gotten into. You know, Bilbo’s pants.”

Gimli choked on his drink, amazed such words came out of Legolas' mouth. “Greenleaf, you shock me sometimes.”

“Hmph, maybe I should teach you how to drink liquids properly.” Legolas muttered, not realizing he was taking on one of Gimli’s own mannerisms. “And I have to say, I bet I don’t shock you as much as you shock me. ”

“What? What do you mean?”

“You.” Legolas looked at Gimli, feeling a bit reckless with whatever was flowing through his veins. “And who you choose to date.”

Gimli spit out his drink, astonished at the freely flowing words of his normally-quiet partner. “ _What_ are you talking about?”

“You know, you and Boromir.”

Gimli began laughing, not quite the reaction Legolas expected.

Legolas twisted his glass in his hands, the truth sinking in – Gimli wasn’t Boromir’s boyfriend, but perhaps the Captain _was_ dating that woman he saw him with yesterday. “Oh, I see. So how do you feel about that?” Legolas realized he'd been jealous when he thought of Gimli with Boromir, and he wondered if Gimli felt the same emotion when he thought of their Captain.

“Feel about what?” Gimli waved the bartender over for another round as he finished downing his latest drink.

“Boromir. Dating that woman?”

Gimli wanted to laugh again, but couldn't, wanting to say things to his new partner that he knew he couldn’t – not yet – about who he was _really_ attracted to. “Look, he’s just a friend. Arwen's his girlfriend - they've been together for years. They're both too - angsty sometimes - for my taste. Not my cup of tea, so to speak.” And that was even more clear given who was sitting right beside him.

Legolas put his hand on Gimli’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Gimli.” He hiccuped, the noise a foil for his nicely-toned voice. “I thought the two of you were together. Or that you wanted to be together.” 

Gimli wasn’t quite sure how his partner had come to that conclusion. But it wasn’t the strangest thing that had happened this week.

Somehow, he imagined next week would be even stranger.

Especially if he was wishing this pretty rich guy would never leave his side.

“Gimli!” Legolas shook him on the shoulder. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Hmm? Could you repeat it?”

“There’s been a heist at Celebrimbor’s and Co. Someone made off with a bunch of rings. And we’re too drunk to go to the scene!” He laughed, nearly a giggle, and Gimli thought it was the sweetest thing he'd heard all day.

“Hmph!" he said in his best attempt to be serious. "We’re off duty! But first thing tomorrow, we’re on the case.”

Legolas looked at him with a strange smile on his face. “And maybe we’ll bring the suspect in, this time. 

Gimli raised his glass in a toast. “First time for everything, Greenleaf.”

“Absolutely.” And then Legolas stood and grabbed his hand. "Come on. They’re dancing on the tables in the room over there, and I want to go watch.”

Gimli, looking at their joined hands, took a few moments to move.

But move he did, after Legolas released his grip with a smile, wondering if he might be able to convince his partner to dance with him. And if not tonight, he didn’t mind. He knew there’d be opportunities in the many nights to come.

And from the look Legolas sent him as he turned around, waving his hand for him to hurry up – Gimli was suddenly struck by the knowledge that Legolas would agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I originally published it, this story was intended to end at this point, but I do have interest in working on it further, so at some point I'll add more chapters.


	6. Appendix: Map of Khazâd-Edhel-on-Hobbiton




End file.
